my parents love my older sister more than me

Was it really necessary to add that he was sick because of something his mother had passed to him? Oh Goddess, the temper tantrums. Not like food stamp struggling, but I have a lot of student loans with no job yet, and my husband got really sick last year (like go to the mayo clinic sick). (Then again, Im the youngest so maybe thats why Im not relating in the same way some of the other commenters are?). I'm 18 and he's 21. I felt like I was the only kid who never got prepackaged snacks. And its worth having a good relationship with them. (brother) 9.5" she wasn't even being discrete about it. Privacy Policy. About a year ago my husband got laid off, and we were in a panic for about a month (luckily they rehired him and his current hours suggest he will be busy for a while). 4) They leave you out. January 31, 2012, 3:37 pm. Then I tried ignoring her, she comes to me and says Im useless sometimes. Be grateful your mother married a man that treated you like his own and you have such a close and loving relationship with your brothers and your parents. so you and your husband can get on with the responsible management of your own lives. So, even though I got lots love from my grandparents, I didnt get any inheritance and that stings. Next holiday just ask if instead of gifts they could help pay of X bill. Dont ask them for help in order to make them feel guilty for what they couldnt provide you. They took us out to alot of dinners during that time, had us over for dinners, and bought me some clothes (importantly, a new suit!). They dont. I also focus on being happy for my sister, and also reminding her to be greatful for everything she gets. And she continually undermines his treatment and tries to get him off his medication. I was slightly panicked about making ends meet and trying not to pull too much out of our savings fund to cover expenses. Get over the college thing. It almost buried us financially and emotionally. She does have some redeeming qualities, but she can really piss me off too. But again, do NOT ask if the request is coming from a negative, resentful, accusatory place. They owned their own house (with help from my grandparents at first), but I vividly remember my mom making a grocery list before she went to the store and calculating the prices out with all of her cut out coupons and making sure it wasnt a penny over budget.and we only had like $75 to buy new clothes for school (that is like 2 pairs of cheap pants and a cheap shirt)hahathe good ol days. Did someone (their parents, maybe) help them out during their difficult time? The only part of your letter that really stood out as odd to me was the fact that they didnt help out with your college expenses at all. if i say, i love you, she says, i love AUNTIE! if i say, i love you, she says, i love AUNTIE! Were not poverty-stricken, but every winter and this year especially we get a little credit card debt that we spend the rest of the year paying off. But that doesn't mean they love you any less. Younger siblings are usually the more favored ones, whether parents do that consciously or not (usually not). ONE. I hate adualts because they think i am traumatized about what happened to me, but i honestly don`t care. i feel SO SO fortunate that 1. my sisters are close, and 2. that they love my daughter so much, and i am glad my daughter has people in her life she has bonded with and has great realtionships with other than my husband and me, BUT im starting to feel jealous. At first I was really resentful, but Ive become to accept that these monetary things dont matter that much and what is important is that my parents are raising them the same way they did me. They actually envied me for the relationship I had with my parents due to it. Blondie, exactly! Its funny the things we hold on to. Only in the past year they came to their senses, when they start having an ungrateful attitude and realizing a lot of what was bought wasnt being used to the fullest extent. Nopeno more than what you already received which, as Wendy says, is more than what a lot of children get. Chances are they will and will still get you a birthday present anyways. Does it make me worse off because I paid for my pager whereas my mother paid for her cell phone? If youd like to receive money from your parents, ask. Her parents obviously love her and have supported her the best they could. My parents arent the richest people in the world but I wouldnt call the amount of money we have average. They had plenty of time since rising above their poverty, but they still treat you as if they are still poor. And my brother had a phone when he was 12, now my little sister is going to get one, so why won`t i get one? Or someone. They didnt pay for his college, didnt offer to help him with a downpayment for his condo (that he bought before me), didnt ever buy him a car, etc. It`s like they don`t belive everything i tell them about my parents. What can it hurt? I was jealous about spaghetti strap tank tops. hold on my dad just called me. Youre a grown adult married, with your own home. The other two boys get a box apiece and a gift card ($100/ea). Consider becoming a parents after youre able to provide your children with the kind of things you didnt get to have as a child that clearly matters to you. And Im ashamed of feeling this way, so I dont want to talk about it to anyone who knows me. When you have a baby, he or she will spoiled rotten. And shes going to Paris next semester. , LW, I think its also important to recognize that parents often fill the needs that they see for their children, recognizing that kids are different, and need different things, and the circumstances in which they are raised are also different. He Wants Me to Move Out to See If Hell Miss Me, Should I Tell My Boyfriend About My Debt?, She Told Me Shes Pregnant The Day before I Planned to Break Up With Her, My Sister Threw Our Parents A Surprise Party and Didnt Invite Me, DW Community Catch-up Thread (Formerly Anyone going on awesome dates?). Here too. Love! Gets me every time, seriously, Im almost in tears just typing this. Spaghetti Os for the win! I love being spammed by all these wattpaders. if i say . She is a reminder from when they were poor, and now that they are rich they just see her as a reminder from when they were poor and continue to treat her the same as they have always done. When he was 14 his parents opened their own business. Only thing that comes to mind is running away because home doesnt feel peaceful and i feel like everytime i fucking step into my house Im stepping into a battlefield, trying to be careful with every little word I say. Then my parents wonder why I stay in my room all day. They worked for every crumb they have, so maybe they think its your turn? You sound very smart and level-headed about the whole situation . Forget making this about them and what they arent giving you. Always those crappy fake ziplock baggies filled with snacks from costco sized packages. My mom said she used to cry herself to sleep some nights when she couldnt get me things like ballet classes or the latest toy, because she felt so bad. Noone can go back and change the past- and your parents do not owe you anything. 1. Some step parents think they should love their step child more and overcompensates, in result their own child may feel neglected.Some individuals just does not have the capabilities to love anyone else. Always. Thats great, and Im happy for all of that, but they know (because Ive told them in the past when they asked what I wanted) that what we need most is cash. I also talked to my sister about it finally, and something did surprise me. Your parents are adults and so are you. Because neither of the siblings had the capability to work and take care of themselves and make the grade. Posted April 10, 2015. Yes, shes already getting better, about a month ago we were tidying up her room and I gave her a bag to put the toys to give away into, and she only put one tiny little teddy bear. This is not to say I didnt work: I worked for 3 years in college, because my mother wouldnt let me work my freshman year so I could focus. Try to focus on the kindnesses they have shown you (the dinners, the clothes, etc) and not on what they have offered to your brothers. It helps. She is planning on going to college (im sure expensive one at that) to find a husband and be a stay at home mom. Of course your parents are going to spend more money on your brothers who are still children in their care than theyre going to spend on you. I figure she is special because she is fun and DD doesn't see her everyday so it is like a "treat" to be with her. So I am a bit biased, angry, frustrated with her and believe it or not, until all this happened we had a pretty civil relationship now I just choose to interact as little as humanly possible with her but keep on my nicey-nice face to keep the peace. But you had the wonderful surprise of getting a father and siblings and more financial stability in your family, and even though you had to handle your own education, you still got one. Meanwhile, they showed comparatively little interest and investment in my hobbies and passions something Ive really only noticed in hindsight. So, if it cant go away and she cant ignore it, I would talk to my parents about it. I have to partially disagree with Wendys response. She is here because of Moms choices and actions. He`ll be telling me that I am much smarter than my brother(which isn`t very nice of him to say behind my brother`s back), and telling me that I am good at something. Your folks sound a bit insensitive and maybe ignorant to crow about their windfalls and their purchases but they do do things for you, even if what they do isnt to your exact specifications. It doesnt even have to be an awkward conversatoin. It said 2 am. I would suggest taking your mother aside and very kindly asking her to skip the gifts this year and to just give you cash, if she wants to. Im so fucking confused on what to do! well, my toddler prefers one of my sisters to everyone, including me. Do those circumstances help this make sense? Then, enjoy the dinners out and the shopping trips and all the love your parents have for you all!!! Do you find yourself wondering, "Do my parents like my sister more, or do my parents like my brother more?" Then you're probably onto something. One adult daughter, now estranged from her mother, recounted that when her brother confessed that he'd had coffee with his sister, their mother hung up the phone. If you need help/money ask. He started marching band in high school, and every year they gave him more and more support by going to as many of his performances as they could, shelling out the money for instruments, repairs, lessons, band camp, etc., and getting involved in the band culture. I also realized that I attempted self harm wice. ), hardly did anything special for birthdays, etc. she just said that she doesn't like me as much as my siblings. It was hard not to resent the difference, but that ended for me when one day my dad told me that he thought that I was the least useless and most capable of all of his children, and that they never worry about me because they know that because I was raised with a different notion of the value of a dollar. Find Out Why Can you find out why your parents like him more? I want to live in the nicer neighborhood so she can go to a better school-never going to happen. Yes she is an adult and no they should not be making her car payments or mortgage. I said I didnt want anything but I still expected to get more than that cause I usually do. After all, it looks like youre starting off in a much better position than they did. Now, my dad and stepmom live in a giant house, complete with columns in the front, and my stepmom is considering purchasing a $35,000 car. Please try not to think of this as your parents loving your brothers more than you. You cant be upset about life not just dropping money into your lap if you dont ask your parents for help if you need it. My sister is in college now, and my mom is paying for her rent, her textbooks, her trips to the mall, EVERYTHING. Sometimes in life you just have to roll with the punches. I sometimes even feel like I should run away. I looked for this cause tomorrows my brothers birthday and I have to wrap his presents. Maybe its a cultural thing. 9 Signs You Might Have a Toxic Sister - PureWow I loved surfing and soccer but was and still am not very good at it. And so, it seems does the LW. While people often think of sibling rivalry as a childhood phenomenon, adult siblings fighting is a common phenomenon in which adult siblings struggle to get along, argue, or are even estranged from one another. Cross Country was the only sport that didnt require expensive equipment to be bought, so that was my sport that I played in middle and high school. Im on the other end of this story. My mom is all proud about it so when we are with her I let her "run the show". dinner out! Yip, probably best to talk to your husband and family about your experience and the way you feel about the situation and learn to let it go (forgive). Be grateful your parents lavish shopping trips and fancy dinners on you and your husband and care enough about your feelings to have already told you that if they had the money they would have done for you what they are doing for your brothers. When she confronts them at the end of the episode they say that they excluded her because they know she can take care of herself unlike her sister. My mom was able to quit working and raise my siblings. So, right out of the gate your childhood was 100x better than many of the children I have worked with. Archived post. But thats not fair to them, because the message they were getting from me was I dont need you to do anything, Im fine on my own.. Children owe their parents love, respect, assistance and support when they need it, especially as they age. They probably dont want to make the first move because they dont want to hurt your pride. Youre a grown up, youre on your own now. He had to make his own way in the world. And (this is where it gets politically incorrect) think long and hard before you and your husband bring any children into your lives. Thats just ridiculous. Subscribe for TIM TIN: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCRXJaBvhynZMqVCbHVkzkNw?sub_confirmation=1The younger adopted sister is like a friend with whom you w. If you have an adult child who cant cover living expenses why are you getting you spending so much money on iphones and other luxuries just to spoil a preteen? Period. But some people have toxic sibling relationships. This is true for one of my best friends. It sounds like your kids all received similar support financially and it doesnt sound like they have anything to complain about. But they also let me and my sister know that once we got married we were completely on our own financially speaking. That was well thought and well said! The #1 app for tracking pregnancy and baby growth. (me) 5. Again, Jake threw a fit because of last year. In a roundabout way, its how I ended up a runner. Apparently they see it as, I have always been self sufficient and treated more as an equal, while she, who is about to graduate college, still feels like my parents view her as a child. Never had a job. I know with my husbands parents dont randomly offer us money because they KNOW he is too proud to accept it. Its not fair. Sue me. "My Parents Give My Sister Thousands of Dollars While I Get Nothing" It isnt about what they are doing for the younger kids it is that you feel slighted about what they didnt do for you. If you get credit card debt every winter, Id suggest speaking to a financial adviser to help you avoid that trap every year! my sis is very gentle with my LO even if she does something naughty, like pull the dogs tail, and i hate having to discipline her in front of my sis because i feel like it makes my daughter like my sis even more!! As parents who clearly worked very hard for what they have, and struggled along they way, its possible that they recognize the value of those experiences and dont want to just allow you to have it easy (from their perspective). I think shes applied for a total of 3 jobs in her life. Many parents want their kids to be as physically and emotionally flawless as possible. When he was little they struggled. The only one who isn`t a nerd is one of them,because he wants to go to online school too. Amen Wendy! They retired right when I graduated from high school and right before my brother started he used to get stuff like his lunches delivered to him 10m before his lunch period started so that it would be fresh. Hey Nikki! My stepson developed a chronic genetically based illness (from his mother) and we spend a lot of $$ for his therapy and meds which will go on for the rest of his life. Umm.yeah. Ever. My happiest place is literally wattpad, cause i can comment stupid things and peoiple will actually respond. If your child really likes doing this, maybe do it on a more regular basis, as something that is just fun. At Christmas my brother got hundreds of pounds worth of new technology etc. My parents both worked crazy hours while I was little I sort of raised myself in the sense that no one had to remind me to do homework, I never needed help with homework, I was responsible, never got into trouble, etc. The past is past. I still do mma, i win tournaments and what not but my parents just dont care. I outright asked my mother about it a couple of years ago (granted, were a pretty blunt/open family) and she told me it was that I had worked my way through college, he hadnt (never went), I had a stable relationship, a nice place to live, and even when my jobs/finances havent been the most stable over the years (the joys of spending post-college on the campaign trail), I had a vast support network for places to couch surf, friends who didnt mind splitting grocery duties with me, and contacts I could look to for temp work. While we're on the table my sister for some reason jokingly says "hey mom rate us out of ten." my daughter prefers my sister over me!! - BabyCenter Im so glad Wendys advice was everything Id hoped it would be. I have to admit it this situation would totally irk me. You definitely enjoy things so much more when you dont have as much I see my 4 year old that is SO spoiled (not by us, by my parents, esp., who as well are doing a lot better now than when I was growing up), and it really pisses me off. My sister is ten years younger than me and has gotten alot of things I would have loved to have but my mom made a lot less when I was younger. Younger sisters are a LOT. That isnt (necessarily) any indication of materialism. My dad took me surfing a couple weeks ago, just the two of us, it meant a lot to me because it'd been so long since it was just the two of us surfing and while we were out surfing he said he was going to check his phone for work e-mails, i didn't think much of it, turns out he went on my phone and searched through it. Even if your parents just prioritized the wrong thing let it go. She is undeniably spoiled, and even bratty at times. is this completely silly? they are the only babysitters my daughter has known. Speaking up is also How to Get Someone to Notice You're Sad But Not in Desperate Ways. If you want help, ask them for it there is nothing wrong with that (in my opinion), and not anything you should be ashamed of they are your parents, and youd rather have cash than clothes! It's not that i think that my parents don't love me, it's that they just don't like me. My dad has said to many many times Parents never stop being the parents. So you could enjoy a few NICETIES. Really? But I woke up to the loudest alarm Id ever heard. Already wrapping the first one I knew it cost more than the two I got. Anyway, your parents sound like theyve done nice things for you with their money. Money your parents earn is theirs to spend however they want. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. His little sister gets EVERYTHING. Oh, dear LW, I think this is a time to let it go, dont let this negativity color how you feel about your family. Sometimes I feel like people write in to Dear Wendy but dont think hard enough about the situation they are in and the obvious answer (which is normally MOA). Given ages and wages, things worked out differently for my youngest. We Know If Your Parents Love You More Than They Love Your Sibling I totally feel your pain, LW. I have one sibling, my sister, who has been my closest friend for most of my life. Cookie Notice And that was all it took for me to end my childish resentment. I did add that I am very happy for them, but it isnt fair to keep bringing it up since the only response I have is, yup, Im still poor. It hasnt stopped it entirely, but it has toned it down so I can begin to enjoy my family again instead of letting this drive a wedge between us. Wrap some of her toys with newspaper and have her try to guess which it is. That's My Story 758K subscribers Subscribe 56K 2.7M views 2 years ago #thatsmystory #storytime #animatedstories. Id just be grateful for all of those things. What do you think I should do? I think Im in the minority here, but I passionately disagree with Wendys position. Whens the next gift-giving occasion in your family? If I suddenly become rich, I honestly dont think I would start showering her with clothes, gifts, etc. Honestly, they probably see a proud, independent woman who is struggling on her own and wants to see you enjoy a few of the finer things, which is why they paid for that dinner, took you clothes shopping. They are just to little cuts across my wrists. I love my parents, but sometimes it feels like they love my younger sister more than me. Your parents showed you love and taught you a moral compass and helped you grow up to be the responsible woman that you are today. When I say loaded I mean like grossly loaded. Of course. Totally agree with Wendy. As long as you do it respectfully and non-accusatorily, and you couch in it I terms, and feeling terms, I think youll feel better. Most importantly, Im finally just happy for the 2 younger ones and just remind them often to appreciate all they have. Sometimes we find our inspiration in the funniest things! Wendy said it perfectly- They may be in a position to do things for you now, but youre no longer a child and you dont get a second chance at a childhood any more than they get another chance at raising you. This is petty stuff. I know others dont seem to agree with me, but I stronly feel if a parent can help pay for college, they should. This week were gathering clothes and toys to send to less fortunate kids, and Im planning on doing it several times this year, and every year from now on, I hope she grows to see just how fortunate she really is!!! What I finally did, rather than keep having my feelings hurt and feeling resentment when my parents talk about their new-found financial freedom I told my parents that constantly having to hear about their financial situation is awkward for me since Im struggling so badly and could they please tone it down and think twice before they bring it up. And while I worked and studied my ass off through college, so I could maintain a roof over my head AND get good grades, my mother would call me and vent about how stressed she was about money. Private art lessons! And my brother is 21 btw, and he is coming for christmas. Shes 11 hours away and I cant deal with the drama of her former, unreliable, car. And I too used to feel a little resentment when I would see the 2 younger kids get things I had always wanted. No. But if you've always felt like you become your worst self when you're back at home, your family could be treading on toxic territory. Its sad. So yes, this is a very complicated story, very sad, and his mother is in denial that he needs medical help. But I was **expensive** summer camps, dance classes, singing classes, ice skating lessons, art classes (I was atrocious), trips to Europe, and putting a lot more $$ on the credit card that went straight to my parents than I should have. Sometimes the child who gets the least monetary support isnt the least loved one its just the one that the parents have confidence will be able to succeed on your own.. Its fun when it isnt even yours. What you can do is to politely tell them youre happy that they are doing so well financially and are able to enjoy the fruits of very long labor, but that you and your husband are on the other side of that labor and things are challenging for you so it would mean a lot if they could be a little more sensitive to that. Looking at it that way may help you see a bit more where your parents are coming from, and liek AKchic said, maybe they are trying not to hurt your pride by making you feel like you cant get by without their help. I could certainly understand feeling resentful if you'd both asked for help and they denied you but gave freely to your sister. love thisrestores your faith in humanity just a little. I would have to be pretty damn broke to ask for money, and even then, Id probably ask anyone else before Id go to my parents. I tell my techers in online school about all of his and all they did was tell my parents that I need a counselor. Okay, let me start by saying i have 2 amazing older sisters who live close to me and adore my daughter. LW, you know your parents love you you know that they did the absolute best that they could,and clearly they raised an independent, loving and self-sufficient woman. Thats not to say youve been in the wrong. He has the exact same situation. 8. Ever since I was 6 my dad wanted me to be a surfer and to play soccer and the same with my mom. SUBSCRIBE https://bitly.su/8qJHMP#privatediary #animatedstory #animationchannel #realstory #animationstory #lifestoryBE AFRAID https://goo.su/5PQCHi, every. Mother-daughter actors Laura Dern and Diane Ladd share all in Honey And I really like Wendys comment that you cant have it both ways you cant be bitter they wont help you out but refuse to ask. In fact they have too much stuff and Im swamped with their gifts. To be a responsible, hard working, educated and independent person. I think you have the niceties thing totally right. Your parents raised you as best they could with what they had and now theyre raising your brothers as best they can with what they have. My 2nd MIL spoils my 3rd son (and the older two boys) tremendously. Parents dropping 4K at the apple store after a $30K windfall while letting a child struggle to pay the bills is a little bit disgusting to me. Why? My oldest, after all, is the only one who got our uninterrupted and unshared love and a decent college education, and our old car. When my dad got his fat holiday bonus from work this year (thirty thousand dollars!) My issue is less about the money my parents spend on my brother, and more about the attention and support theyve given him and his (rather expensive) music hobby-turned-college-major. PARIS. It works in my favor at times because if DD has a poop diaper and Grandma is around she is the only one she wants to change her . And refuses to take any responsibility for her condition and lives on disability, and there never has been any financial contribution on her end (or from her parents who could help). : The Last Girl on . Not forever mind you, but the LW didnt ask to be born. Im a single mom to a 7 year old girl. Archived post. Your dads reaction at the dinner table is telling, they obviously dont want to make you feel bad. (Note: nothing Im saying applies to truly abusive or entirely absent parents). i love my sister so i'm not blaming her i'm just confused by the sudden change. I cried when I wrapped her Christmas presents back in December, feeling like I had failed her because I didnt get her too much stuff. 25 years ago, I wouldnt have received all they have even if they could afford it. This is her story. But make sure youre asking them for help for the right reasons. It is their job to take care of their children forever. I was kind of bitter about it for a while, but then I realized I can be bitter or I can have a good relationship with my (flawed but human) parents. It was because they were asking for things. Based on your timeline, by the time you got to college, they were financially in a position where they could have helped; however, some parents just dont help out with college expenses, regardless of their financial situations (I guess you will know whether thats the case with them when your brothers reach that age.). Then all she did was tear the wrapping off, barely even glance at each present before tossing it aside and getting the next one. Holy crap this could have been written by my husband. But theres nothing that makes me think he should start handing me money now. 2nd MIL got laid off right after Thanksgiving, so she couldnt afford gifts this year. My parents recently bought both my brother and sister cars, and then set up a payment plan for my sister to repay them because she has a job.

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