wanting to hurt someone who hurt you

Ukrainian officials said at least 38 people, including 12 children, were wounded in a Russian missile strike on Tuesday which an officer said targeted a military funeral in the northeastern . Help is available. Im glad I stumbled onto this page. Started with my EX now that she is no longer the most important in my life it switched to my mom. Being too nice of a guy (or girl) is a death trap. It was founded by Lachlan Brown in 2016. I really appreciate the article. Seth, thank you. This is since a few months ago, he blacked out and assaulted someone to defend me, yet he doesnt remember doing it, and is convinced he is capable of doing it again. They did point me in the direction of some therapists who are familiar with Harm OCD. To pretend your someone else because you believe that part of you is dangerous. I hope the doctor is helpful. I then try to conceal the terrible thought by replacing the person in my thought with someone else even though I know I would never perform such a violent act or wish it at allmy husband comforts me a lot and wants my mind to grow stronger for us but the terrible thought just keeps coming back the moment I realize Im no longer thinking of itI am scared to take medication because I want to have children when older. The experience I had back then was so painful that the horror of it coming back with that intensity fills me with such sadness. Connect with a professional relationship coach online now, 7 inconsiderate things men do in relationships that drive women crazy, 8 relationship red flags only highly perceptive people notice, If you do these 5 things together, you officially have a work boyfriend, As relationship expert Rachael Pace puts it, Take the free quiz here to be matched with the perfect coach for you, 10 warning signs youre in a loveless relationship, 11 relationship mistakes smart people never make twice, 8 undeniable signs youre dating an authentic, respectful man, Dwelling on it will only intensify the pain, Your past does not have to be the blueprint for your future, You are always changing and evolving, and the you of the past does not have to be identical to the you of the future. Im so glad this post is reaching people, and hope others will continue to share it or other resources so we can shine a light and offer hope to those who need it. After youve done them a favor, theyll probably leave your life once more and only come back when they need your help again. It said something about if you had a horrible thought of killing your family you know chances are you will just come home for dinner and even if it was some deep dark secret urge frankly you dont care. Most likely that is not the case, because the . My cat, who follows me around like a dog and is very affectionate, was trying to go outside. I have them, others I talk to have them, and in factthe vast majority of people (whether or not they have OCD) will have these kinds of thoughts. Sometimes, for example, trusting someone too fully and too quickly is doing something wrong. I also maintain a Closed Facebook Group where members can find support and information about MOCD. Before I used to freak out a lot but now i dont freak out as much. You can also find a directory of OCD specialists on the International OCD Foundation website, http://www.iocdf.org. Top Rated Answers wonderfulComfort29 - Expert in Breakups March 29th, 2015 1:57pm Amy Brangwyn This article is one of a series in self-improvement Lesson 4 - ways to optimize your inner and outer relationships. I dont know, get it. In fact, obsessions about harm used to be called Aggressive obsessions in the mental health community based on anold-fashioned understanding of the condition. Once they do that, theyll feel good about themselves since theyre envious of your success. They want you to end up all alone, thinking theyre your only real friend. This work is best done with a therapist, after a thorough assessment. Pray before you go to visit/chat with a friend, pray during your visit and pray afterward. 2) They need to control everything. But life has lost its color and verve. The reasons children this age and throughout elementary school are being expelled can be anything that involves aggression, hitting, fighting, kicking, inappropriate language, speaking out of turn. Your goals are completely unattainable to them, no matter how hard they try. We often limit ourselves in ways that were unaware of. Jons going to be on my podcast next month, coincidentally. Hopefully youll listen to your gut feeling and run away before this particular person ruins you forever. I hope you find help for this condition, Space boy, and that you can talk with a parent or other trusted adult about your experiences. We often need to seek effective treatment in order to find lasting relief, rather than riding the roller coaster of our anxiety and fear. too much evil in my head . Thats the exact reason why they act this way and do their best to see you suffer. This example has many of the common features of OCD. Louisa Lopez But the more you focus on that and embellish the narrative, the more you trap yourself in a self-fulfilling prophecy. This world is filled with people like this and you need to learn how to recognize them. Often in MOCD a person will ask, But if I dont want to do it, why am I thinking about it so often? I appreciate the questions, Trent. When I never in my life ever ever could, they our my world, for some reason it was mainly my son and I love him the most. After all, how do IknowI dont want to hurt someone? By putting you down, they feel better about themselves and their own insecurities. I had a really bad panic attack yesterday and havent been ok since. Im glad you found a way to deal with the upsetting thoughts. Its a great question, Robyn. I was wondering if having physical reactions to triggers that then trigger panic attacks, or a panic episode, are normal to MOCD? I will add that we are expecting our first child in a week or so, and he believes he will be carted off by the police at any minute, and that he will never get to meet his son. The fear I had when they put me in a room locked the door and started asking me the hard questions. Synonyms for Want To Hurt (other words and phrases for Want To Hurt). I will pray you beat it, too, and in addition to that I certainly hope you find the help that can provide tremendous relief. Our brains are great at imagining things that havent happened. Its like I have these urges that I know could never be real * I would die for my son. Seth Wow. Truth be told, they dont deserve a place in your life. I wish you all the best. Failure could be around any corner, so it is hard to lay down our hypervigilance and relax.. Thank you for your article Dr Gilligan and the informed and sensitive way you describe this condition. But all too often, you're handed an "I don't care" response. I am 33 and have been miss diagnosed my hole life. Diet? My pleasure, Alabama Girl, and Im so glad to hear it was helpful. 1. My daughter just found it and said it was very helpful, and shared with me. Before the film there was a commercial for an animal shelter. This article hit all the nails on all their heads, and made me rethink everything. Thanks for taking the time to comment. I didnt fall in your OCD Category. Talk to God about every relationship you invest time in. Its hard to turn on the news without hearing about violent assaults, murders, and sexual abuse. But i keep on getting these awful thoughts. Imagine if you lived every day worriedmaybe even convincedthat you were terribly dangerous or depraved. My brother comes in the kitchen and asks me if I need any help. Every time I think Ive gotten over it, or at least a particular fear, Ill somehow think up another one. You described a sadly not-uncommon scenario in which this condition leads to ones own private hell. I will try to take comfort in the fact that there are other people out there who are going through the same thing. Yes, some people do recover from OCD without medication, if they get the right treatment (ERP). Im so glad to hear it was helpful, Jules. An individual might think, for example, "DID is a mental disorder, and so is OCD, so maybe I'm capable of doing really bad things to other people." These frightening thoughts are the "obsession . All the best as you navigate these decisions! I dont if i have ocd. Hopefully I wont worry as much for a couple of minutes, maybe hours. I watched a movie called natural born killers and it actual made curious as to how I would feel if I actually killed someone. Here's two things you need to consider: Not all hurt is intentional. I get urges to hurt people that I perceive to be weak, (people with injuries, babies etc). Dont get your hopes up too high as they havent changed. Im still terrified. Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) is a first-line treatment for OCD, and for many people is just as effective as medication. So if it's love you want (If it's love you want) Then take all of me . Im so glad that I took the time to do some researches tonight and came through your article. The theme of not wanting to hurt other people's feelings runs rampant through therapy sessions. And of course google all the stories about homicidal sleep walkers and freak out. Or would that not be advisable? Reading your post was comforting for some minutes then i read knifes comment and i read youd answered him that he was not like people with harm OCD. They gaslight you. no believe me this not the right question! Seek help Recap Letting go of the past, including people who hurt you, may involve accepting what you can't control, taking accountability, and focusing on the lessons. I have had OCD my hole life. What if a sufferer of Harm OCD believes that they already HAVE committed a heinous act? I have a 4 year old boy and husband. You certainly are not alone. It's just like trying to argue with the endless hordes of people online with opinions that are different from ours. How do i know if im actually not a bad person. My pleasure, Urm. Besides telling lies and making other people hate you, a person who wants to destroy you will also try to isolate you from your close friends and family. Think about those times they disrespected you, misunderstood you, ignored you. I appreciate the comments, Elizabeth. Why is this happing. Theyll pretend like theyre on your side even though their actions say differently. And then I harp on the thought of why Im Ill see how I go because I could go long periods free of it but this is the first time I have identified it and understood whats happening. The last couple years its been harm. Instead of having your back and being in your corner, they start talking trash about you. While other people with honest intentions keep applauding you for your success, a person who wants to destroy you keeps glossing over it. I am very sensitive person so from what Ive read is that it attack what you love most and that is my son, so I guess it makes sense why it had disturb me so much just want to go back to normal already thank you. I really think this can help me. Im glad to know if makes you feel a bit more human, but sorry youre suffering like this, and while youre traveling on holiday. Its easy to tell people how to react to somebody hurting them, right? At least not until you are a lot stronger. What to say to someone who has hurt you deeply (practical guide) You may be well-intentioned, you may have been in love. As Ive mentioned on here, Im working on ways to make information about Harm OCD more available to those who need it, because clearly the need is there. A person who wants to destroy you will keep coming and going in your life. Others include: Again, the individual with OCD does not want to do these terrible things and is not at a greater risk than the average person for doing them. We cant know for sure if and when the obsessions will stop, but we can absolutely make things worse by engaging in compulsions, even subtle ones. This is ruining my life. Fantastic article, this is exactly what I needed right now. A person who is actually dangerous may have a history of assault and will feel a desire to hurt others. Forgive yourself for that or other missteps you made, and take note of it for the future. The best approach is to find someone who specializes in this condition, and follow the treatment (which is Exposure and Response Prevention). I am currently at the midpoint of an overseas holiday with thoughts and compulsion out of control, and now worried the rest of the week and journey and all of those triggers. Your awesome article was not out yet, but on some other experts pages I found helpful writings and videos, and little by little, without much planning or control on my side, the crisis subsided. Feel free to keep watching the game. I wait until hes out of the room before picking up the knife again. I use to think I was insane and thought this was all the devils work! Even once you finally see through their actions, itll be hard to get yourself back on track and rebuild yourself after everything theyve put you through. Hopefully I will be able to overcome this yet again.. Perhaps the most important part of the treatment is becoming more comfortable living with some degree of uncertainty. 6 Ways On How To Deal With Someone Who Wants To Destroy You. Saying just focus on something else isnt going to cut it, and that kind of advice is useless and counterproductive. [Listen to an interview with MOCD expert Jon Hershfield, MFT]. For many people that becomes its own source of fearIf Im not as bothered by these thoughts, does that mean Im more likely to act on them? But what if I could actually do something bad after all, even if I had no reason, just because I am crazy or bad and I dont know it? My 13 year old daughter has been suffering with this as well as myself since she was born. The chance of pursuing empty rebounds and feeling even worse than before is way too high. Its a great question, and youre definitely not the only person who has had a fear of being oneself because it could be dangerous. Treatment for OCD would involve, as always, doing the opposite of what OCD is demanding, like doing things that clearly involve being oneself. I honestly thought I was crazy and losing my mind with these violent thoughts. Jon Hershfields book that I referenced in my last reply is a fantastic resource. I finally gained enough courage to google what the heck I think this might be and I found your post, which has made me not as stressed. Im receiving ACT, which does seem to be helping to some extent. Thank you for your time, sir. At least this helped me out a little. Its always good to speak with someone who understands OCD well in order to make a determination of whether its OCD, so if it is, the treatment can proceed accordingly. Despite our good and sincere intentions, most of us wrestle with our own toads. And yes, access to ERP is a real problem in most parts of the country. Why continue to suffer if you dont have to? which i took for a couple of weeks but woke up one late night and had a bad anxiety attack which led to a crazy thought that scared the heck out of me like i thought i was going to do something bad/awful but shook it off and then went back to bed, of course i did read all the side effects of the medicine and blamed that right away and discontinued it asap but i have been obsesssive since 6yrs now reading googling everything about my condition which probably only added more fuel to the fire/OCD/Severe anxiety but I really need and want to beat these disturbing anxiety provoking thoughts so do i just try taking my Paroxetine and see a CBT therapist and see if it helps as I really need to try something because its time to get back to living and not feeling afraid most of the time and battling with myself and living inside my head. OCD can be so painful. fear if someone harm someone you love, and you feel so nervous in same time you imagine like you beat this person(monster), this a whole scenario cross your mind in short time left you overwhelmed by an inexplicable fear, so over time this fear become more intense or more bloody and your interaction(Imagination) become more intense. I never want to hurt my family. 9 Ways to Respond When Someone Hurts You Accept that too. Evil people: 20 things they do and how to deal with them Its important to point out that thoughts like What if I just decided to stab this person? are not at all unique to MOCD. Everything caused a chain reaction, being home, not being home, being around family, not being around family. It came out of the blue really, my boyfriend just left for work and I was sitting on my phone and decided to look up fears and stuff to figure out what was up with me bc I have issues one of which is MOCD and literally this was so very helpful and Im so very grateful for you. I went last week to the VA and unloaded except this part. An Elite School, a Boy's Suicide and a Question of Blame Thank you for this whole article! Thanks again for your comments. 1. It gets to the point where Ill see an image in my head and then it feels like Im going to act it out which terrifys me because I dont want to, but its almost as if someone is making me do it? Im sorry youve suffered with this. Two times it was unbearable and seeked thearpy first when I was 13, then again 2 years ago at the age of 27. If you buy through links on this page, we may earn a small commission. I have thoughts aswell but they almsot feel like urges to do so. The thought of harming people scares the heck out of me To be honest Im not entirely sure what to make of your experience. Its not just me. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. I dont want to go to jail. Therapist Helps Woman Who Obsesses Over Partner's Flaws And of course the emotional toll can be severe. Leave love on the back burner for now. Thanks for your comments, O. I feel like a monster for having these thoughts but I cant seem to get them to go away. It might be extremely unjust. I just would like reinsurance that I wont just black out or snao and come to alot of people hurt. Read the article. I have had this condition, as you describe it, since I was about 18 years of age, but it has gradually increased in severity (I am now 36). But you can change your tendency to immediately allow yourself to say yes, those things are true. If you allow negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find yourself swallowed up by bitterness or a sense of injustice. The truth about how to get over someone who hurt you is a bit more surprising. Thank God I came across your site. It keeps spinning and spinning and no matter what I do it wont stop. Im glad you found something that worked for you. I get them around my family and my doggies. Indeed, I read an article that compulsive neurological conditions actually change the brain, reinforcing the respective pathways (much the way any behavior is learned) and thereby more readily triggering the unwanted reaction. Also I constantly ask my parents if these thoughts makes me a bad person and they say no, sweetie. Which reassures me for a little bit but then it comes back a few minutes later. I have had it through childhood which was more just managing severe anger toward people. Currently on Fluoxetine but not so effective with clearing the stuck music. Ignoring point of views and pretending they dont exist or that it is beyond reasoning only makes them unpredictable. God bless. Your email address will not be published. That it would provide temporary relief, but that it would fade over time. But the part of you thats in pain, suffering and in confusion is not unworthy or wrong, neither is it weak. As a Marine Corps veteran, Ive been struggling with these kinds of thoughts processes with almost no knowledge of the terms for too long, in my opinion. no I don t really want to hurt you then lovers always asked me: why why why why in my mind my memory's burning what's your favorite color of your favorite car? Thank you for sharing about your experience. I wish you the very best. Its not unusual to still have some thoughts well into the treatment; some people continue to experience at least some degree of obsessive thoughts even after successful treatment. Which is pure HELL. If you dont have a specialist near you, you can probably find one who offers therapy through video calls. Often the things a person thinks will work, like reassuring oneself its OK, actually make it worse in the long run. Hi, You may be holding a grudge towards someone who means no harm. Ive found some release in directing the harmful thoughts, not in what if way but in an affirmative way Im gonna I must etc., towards the people that cause the stress, UNLESS theyre the people Im trying to care deeply about (family and friends). Ive struggling for long time having this kind of thought until now. So instead of trying to make it go away, the person would try to make it stay! Dont wait to feel better or be fine. What do I do? I really need help before I grow into adulthood and constantly have to avoid kids because Im afraid of hurting them . Do not just pick anyone pick someone who is an expert. People always blame them for things that arent their fault. XD . So, I did go to this hospital and did ECT for weeks on end for months. Then an image will pop then Ill loses my consciousness then suddenly Ill just realize that I was holding a knife and was ready to kill him but then my hand start shaking, my tears will burst up then I will laugh like crazy then my heart will pound loudly and fast. I want to kill. I obviously dont want to do this and I love my whole family so much its just this thought is making me think Im a bad person. Just curiosity. Ever since I was 14 Ive been stuggling with these thoughts (Im 25 now) I have severe depression, panic disorder, GAD, and BPD. Its encouraging to know that you did reach a point where you could automatically ignore the obsessive thoughts, which suggests to me that you can return to that state. Wishing you all the best. I hesitate to post this. Honestly, you have been the most helpful out of a majority of my therapists. I keep thinking how horrible it would be to do something like that and its become a low-key obsession to stop thinking those thought which cause me to think of then more. I wish you the best. I recommend iocdf.org as a good starting point for a person who might be dealing with OCD. I have OCD, no rituals but pure O. We share subjects that impact your daily life and we primarily discuss and write about all things related to relationships, breakups, mental health, astrology and much more. XD school is a good distraction, but every now and then I remember the thoughts and get a sad littlepang I guess? He is young only 15. Thats why it hurts so much when somebody you love hurts you or lets you down in a big way. But Ive been in your shoes and I dont underestimate the pain whatsoever. I cant thank you enough for writing About this and giving people like me some Clarity on the issues. This uncertaintyor rather, the effort to eliminate uncertaintyis what fuels OCD. Being hurt by someone, particularly someone you love and trust, can cause anger, sadness and confusion. Ive had incredible panic attacks about being scared to lose control. Later on Im going to get more into this, but its really important to drop the label of yourself as a good or bad person and focus more on your actions. My pleasure, Michael-Im so glad to hear that the article was helpful. Here I am with my mother now locked in a waiting room with others on suicide and homicide watch. Im glad the article was helpful. Theyll always try to come off as smarter and more capable than you, even when thats not the case. Suddenly this thought came to my mind that maybe Im like this maybe this isnt OCD and this idea terrified me but ive never acted violently. How many times I have said to myself, "Do not say a word. Every time you share good news with them, they ignore the success youve earned. I recommend seeking a professional trained in ERP for OCD, whos familiar with MOCD. Youll find a compassionate and authoritative guide in this book.Freedom From Obsessive-Compulsive Disorderis a classic on treating OCD effectively. I am literally bawling my eyes out as I write this, as to have a name and knowledge of this demon after all this time is a massive victory. Still weird urges or thoughts or whatever you call this could I hurt him. I have this scenario everyday about thinking I want to kill. Pete, I approved your comment because it so clearly illustrates the difference between MOCD and what youre describing-a heartfelt desire to harm others. Thank you so much it calmed me down a lot and Im not thinking about these thought at the moment I cried if refleif that its gone for now Im saying a prayer every night Im actually 13 and scared to death.. Still notice im not being myself all the way around. No amount of love can change them, as they thrive on seeing other people suffer. The first of the crucial tips to get over someone who hurt you is to express yourself to this person. See Violent Femmes Live. Thanks for your comments, Mason. Society and our own inner inclinations tend to make us think of love in an overly idealistic way. Then they could pretend to always be there for you while working against you all the time.

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