i regret leaving my wife for my gf update

I learned I was not as evolved as she was in some areas that were important to her, and I wasnt going to be able to fill that void.. She needed something different and accidentally found it (if thats ever an accident). But you made a commitment to her and this is not fair to her. He is worried about the effect on the kids, and also worried the other woman will never get admitted to the US and Ill be left alone. She took the office by storm. However, here is my current comment: Jung, you are ABSOLUTELY correct when you say I should never have stepped over the boundary to begin with. They do suffer. Second marriages do have a higher failure rate than first, but the majority of those are people under the age of 30. My grandfather would have been a mess without her, her adult kids probably would have been mad because of the inconvenience it caused them, maybe a few would never speak to her again but that anger would be on them, and on my grandfather for not being the man he should have been, not her. I used to do everything for him. I want to be able to sit in a bench with him all wrinkly, gray haired (maybe even wheel-chaired) & still laugh about old times. This man writing about his marriage is a huge idiot. I just remember that he might be had all my details so can track me like that. There was a lot of love present, sex as well but life occurred ho-hum, going through the motions, complacent. You see, seldom do I take things personally, therefore seldom am I offended. In there words? As any wife would understand the anger and hurt that tends to follow yet I forgave him! Im sure you were considerate of all the people that you affected to find your happiness. *Emotional rollercoaster. So i let him leave hopefully he wont regret it because i wont be there to take him back. Ive counseled couples affected by infidelity in every walk of life and the biggest contributing factor Ive seen is that people change. Hopefully its not too late for you to turn it around. I have known several people that this has happened to and what people dont understand is the devastating impact it has on the children no matter the age. Much appreciated! I have noticed how she has become happier and more in terms with the changes and I envy her. It was messy for a while figuring that out, change isnt easy, ever, but sometimes absolutely necessary to grow. If you are a good person with a conscience, take it from me: Yes, it will be enjoyable for a time. Once you have figured this out; #2. What if for the first time he understands himself like never before? I confessed to my wife that I was out of love with her. Wow. I love your answer. being a good listener. I don't know if I have the right to ask her to take me back : r/redditonwiki 2.9K subscribers in the redditonwiki community. They know that love and commitment are from the heart not an entitlement. You carry an unusual amount of bitterness about the topic, and bias toward poor middle aged women who get left behind. Your mind is powerful, and your thoughts will likely be the biggest obstacle to letting go of regret. Men do not pay women to sleep with them, they pay them to go away quietly, without fuss afterwards. This is the basic truth. Maybe someday he will look back and discover what he had was true love and hes lost it forever. As do all men who think this is ok. Grow up XYs. I met Ana (f32), she was one of the new people that we hired. Men should continue to court their wives as the decades tick by but this should not be turned into servitude by the wives. Hes set to marry her now (they are engaged, even though our divorce- which I filed- is not final!). Im of the opinion anythings possible. Its the choice they are consciously making. If your not happy than end your marriage than go be with someone else. You can not have those things when a relationship was attained through immoral methods and sin. You believe you have earned your received kindness based on hard work and character. Some help? I want to leave my wife | Life and style | The Guardian Regarding #2 I am a very high wage earner. Last year, I found out that in the entire time Ive known him, we have never once had a monogamous relationship. If you are unhappy, if you want something else, if you desire something else, then go. Now 2.5 years later I want nothing more than to be near my ex-wife. After 12 years and two kids together she cheated with a coworker, left me for him. Its much more exciting to be in a relationship that either one of us could leave at anytime if we wanted to, but everyday we choose each other. It will. We have both been miserable, most especially the past 20 years. Im sorry youre going through this, I hope he is financially supporting you all. There can be abuse, narcissism, complacency, lack of passion, aging whatever it is, as painful as it is, I still believe both partners must respect the other persons right to leave the relationship. Perhaps the betrayer was, in the betrayeds eyes, their soulmate. How can a person stay in the same relation since she/he has 20yo? I have noticed how she has become happier and more in terms with the changes and I envy her. Im mid forties, attractive, young at heart, look 35 (naturally), good company, intelligent, financially independent and hold down a respectable, secure job. We each get to choose how we want to spend our days and years. He is an alcoholic and I suspect narcissistic. Recently, we were trying to have a good heart-to-heart emotional discussion and I asked her if I have EVER protected her. Thats his problem. No appetite. And sadly, a split isnt always mutual and people can get hurt (even in the easier years) and it can be ugly. *Shock. Slowly Im starting to like myself. Reddit, Inc. 2023. He has left ours too to be with her. know what makes you content rather than happy, and what is important to you. I will say that two years ago I did meet a woman I work with, and we hit it off immediately. One day she could be changing your diapers. I will never forgive him. Not a fat chance. My mom was into technology, politics, traveling, church, community service, etc. Any reasonable person or therapist would tell me to run away from this immediately and dont look back. Whats my excuse now that theyre raised? We are two thoughtful people, we had a good long partnership, but it ran its course. Thats when I confronted her, and it didnt go well. I regret leaving my wife for my GF. We become stale old curmudgeons without romance. I am a 50 year old man who has been married 25 years. He wanted to bang you in the dressing room. Im lonely, depressed and want to get away. I could go on and on with the lies she told about where she went, what she was doing. I confessed to my wife that I was out of love with her. I started crying in our kitchen and when she asked I told her that I was missing the girls and how strange it was not to celebrate with them. I know she just doesnt want to open up to a councilor, but we are at wits end. Yes you do You create the opportunity for emotional connection that is based in betrayal. She married me because she thought it would force her to . What do you have to offer this new woman? Thank you for this forum. She has evolved into different interest and i have Plateaued . I did my best. making her feel skillful, attractive, and talented. I don't know if I have the right to ask her to take me back By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. Then you block her and tell her you cant see her anymore. People who are truly happy learn to let go of their attachments. Sure. But I can't help but resent her. He should take a chance on himself and stop living in boredom like he has for so many years. I could have kept my husband, sure, but he wanted her and you could see that desire and he just didnt have that for me anymore. Both of us are prepared to accept that he may decide to stay married and if so, then I disappear. Everyone has a right to make make a personal choice for their own happiness, even if it is inconvenient for everyone else. Even my kids have seen the crap Ive had to put up with through the years and theyve asked me why I do or have done so and I told them it was for them. she now wants to talk to me because she wants to know the women who is making her husband happy. Emotional, sexual. Either partner cheats again and they are left alone. Peace and love (and amazing sex) to everyone who deserves them! I trusted him with my life, and Im pretty sure he is going through some kind of crisis. I am a man who has been married to my wife for 32 years. I believe, if youre adult enough to have a family that you want to walk out on, you should be adult enough to say so, live with yourself for a bit, and then consider replacing your spouse with a new partner. Its give and take on both sides. This is a mistake! My parents were married over 50 years, but they really had very little in common but family and kids. The emotions are awful for everyone involved. An update on my situation current lover has left his wife for his own reasons. He is still with the lady but the last email was so very, very sad. They want her to clean the house, raise the kids, an well you dont have sex with the mommy wife. The pandemic years were hard on me mentally being stuck at home 24/7 (I didn't know that at the time I thought I was stagnating and out of love with my wife and that being home made me realize that instead of the truth that I was depressed because of being home all the time albeit with her). 4. I really do. I mean, if you feel good that its all it matters; am I right? Will a couple of years of excitement be worth all the headaches that will come in the future? He likes to make money now and go out whenever he wants. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, please feel free to return to our homepage, http://www.goodtherapy.org/, and enter your postal/zip code into the search field to find therapists in your area. It wasnt helping so I stopped. Again my life still dictated by his decision making. Its (only) been five months so early days and in addition nothing has changed other than that he has pulled the pin and exited his married life. She has fine qualities but I am not in love with her anymore and have been emotionally and intimately unfulfilled for quite sometime. Before that we were together for 15 years. She wasn't the reason I went through a dark period she was the only light that pushed me forward. I busted my domestic partner of 20 years cheating on me with a co worker. I have tried to explain it away because I have this new brilliant girlfriend who is so different who is teaching me how to be excited again. I do know she said it would have been easier on her if I had of died rather than cheating and getting a divorce. If it does happen to me, i would rather not have my husband tell me that he doesnt love me anymore because it is disrespectful. Mostly if your spoused love and trus you so much. Romance is a huge one. Which came first, sex or the institution of marriage? Its not a sin to fall but a sin to stay down if you do xx. To DBI wanted to say that it looks like u are taking ur wife being a housewife as grantedU are thinking that by giving her material goods, she does not lack for anythingWhat a woman needs is someone who listens to her and does not judge her even if she is talking about ur mom and sister.. maybe they are presenting to her in a way that u dont understand..she is in UR home and u need to take a stand for her at the very lest.. pls listen and try t understand her side of things..I am sorrybu t u dont understand a woman perspective,,pls read ..men are from mars and woman are from vens..it might help..Ur wife is saying that she wants ur emotional support..but she also needs to understand that it might not be possible at this pointbut read this book and ask her to read it too.. To DB: I also think ur wife should help you understand her and stop blaming..It looks she needs some help n counseling too..but dont suggest that that she needs itu could probably both go and see a counsellor who is warm, friendly and kind,,in a genuine way,,, and that will help her appreciate u as well, To Skibum: If you are unhappy, will it help to take some time and be out of this relationship for a while, while you check for yourself, alone, not in the company of another womanhow you would be betterwould you like to get a new job..move awaystay by yourself.. and check out life..single for once..it will help you get a clear head and lots of perspective..but it should be no contact with with your family..as much as possible.. while you try to heal yourself and see what it is that you really need. For example, if one person needs to live in the hot, dry, wide open desert in privacy and few neighbors, bu the other really needs to be in a big city maritime port on the water with lots of hustle and bustle; these two needs contradict each other. Even so, the man has a right to pursue his happiness. It's called taking responsibility for what he did. If I ever marry again, love will certainly not be the primary reason. Even though we now marry for love, the expectation that we can remain fulfilled and fulfill another until death do us part is unrealistic when we humans are living twice as long on average, to 80 years old. All rights reserved. Are you ok? Thanks, Rosy! Clearly some of the live-rats and middle-aged men and dirty old men it seems who have commented here, find marriage to a middle-aged woman(there own age) boring, so they chas younger women old enough to be there adult daughters, its shameful a disgrace. A lot of men talk about how unhappy and bored they are but what about the wife??!! UPDATE Left My Wife To Be w/ My GF, & Now I'm Regretting Every Day I'm Away From Them. I too have thought of walking away and starting a new life with this woman but reading a lot of these comments has sort of helped my head a lot. I know that we are the exception and not the rule, but life is beautiful. She was from the generation that stayed no matter what. that is considered disrespect and irresponsible. but 1 things for sure I will find me again. Evidently I wasnt a very good person before I died because I have court fines keeping me from getting my license. Because there is no way you spent 32 years with another person, a lifetime, and do not know and love each other deeply. The relationship with the other woman doesnt have any of those components now, but should you choose to end your marriage and start a life with her, those elements will be present along with the added challenge of blending families. I do believe its possible to have romantic feelings and emotions for more than one person. I have never cheated on her, nor been abusive (in any form) to her. I dont know how old you are, but boredom is a reason to move on is both and sad to hear. She settled for the first man who would marry her, have a family with her and pay the bills while she played house with kids aka stay at home mom that was all she ever wanted. Reddit, Inc. 2023. Wow, what a slap in the face. What if u met a person at a young age, married (which is why I dont think people should marry under 25) & never got to experience life and now desire to do so? Look you can be judgmental and call me names. But I have met many women (and men, to be fair) in similar situations. Why would a younger women sign up for NO sex. We are suppose to be role models after all. Our children are teenagers, my son is graduating high school this year. It just sucks all the way around, and nobody involved is ever the same again. Did you know the divorce rate is higher in second marriages than in first? To thine own self be true.. Like an open book. My wife in what I know has stayed faithful to me and for the life of me I dont understand why. I try my best to make a home for you, cooking, cleaning, etc. This is what happens when peoples purpose in life is to focus on themselves. I bet its a pretty high number! My wife is a kind woman who has always loved me. Our marriage therapist seems to be completely numb to our lack of progress. We stayed together, to this day Im still not sure why I stayed, I think I blamed myself for part of it. JULES. Sounds like my ex wife , her dream was to be a stay at home mom. Is a marriage based on promises, or love? Look. Lots of texts.normal, but why would she be calling a hotel?? Mine is from having lived it. knowing that my marriage was and could be whatever we chose to make it? Love wins. She changes her behavior briefly and then within a couple of months she reverts back to the same old ways. These are all attatchments. Its scary letting go but most the time it is the woman who fears the most that the guy would leave them to find a younger model. Let me just get this out of the way YOU ARE AN AS%. He told me he deserved this, was giddy about dating again and that she is her type and I am not. What does he mean? I wish for her that she could be with a man who truly loves her. Oh I know the devastation too well then recovery is a b tr. If this woman has no issues inserting herself into your marriage of 32 years, what makes you believe shes going to be faithful to you, or you to her for that matter? I probably need to save this and show it to my husband someday when he comes to a point that i become boring or a burden to him. Rosy, They say there is no fool like an old fool. I wasnt going to be that guy. I think we simply grown apart one to each other, we were different from the beginning and have different ways to live the intimate relation between us and different way to have sex, to close the bedroom door and leave the (bad) world out from us. After awhile, I said I would go to 50% and he said 45% which pissed me off so I said I wouldnt take any less than 55%. Blame the institution of marriage, blame contracts, blame religion, blame stupidity, blame love, blame yourself, and everything that caused you to willingly enter an agreement that promises both your love and your money to someone, until death do you part a contract for LIFE. Make it work. He needs to learn to live: He needs to skydive, to look his kids straight in the eyes and say I love you, to take his wife alone on a trip out to Hawaii, buy her a frozen daquiri, and then dive into the ocean with all his clothes on. father? I left my wife for a younger woman, but after six months with her, I regret it. I had to keep telling myself holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. So I did myself a favor and forgave. We are responsible for our own happiness. Or if I sounded smug in my own happiness after making a major change. Leave this ,. God bless you @Ready to Go and all friends here who also exhausted and suffered of living in a marriage and have a plan to get divorce. Just a few days ago, I told her Im done and want a divorce. If he remains in love with her after this period, its a good sign that it is not merely the new car smell. Those moments of actually being desired, feeling wanted for what the other woman sees and feels. Instead I focused my energy on my marriageis it hard at times.do I want to run away from her at timesYES!!! Sean, Im not talking a short bout of boredom, of course thats normal in any relationship and shouldnt send any reasonable person in a loving relationship running for the hills. Sorry this is so long Ive been in marriage for 21 years (next week). On the 17th I thought it was just an emotional affair but on the night of Oct 20th we got into a huge argument and she didn't come home that night. I get that. This past year, I finally picked up with the therapists where I left off when my kids were 2 when things got too busy to focus on my mental health. One final note for the cheating spouse, 80% of those that initiate divorce later regret it and marriages that start as extramarital affairs have a 95% failure rate. I dont think there is any easy way to leave a relationship but it can be done with honour and care even if it lands on deaf ears at least you can hold your head up with pride. How many things and ideas and opinions have we changed in 20, 30 or 40 years? I dont want to leave my wife. I feel deeply the pain of the rejected women. I had been in a situation that wasnt good because of an employer that was unbelievably terrible. She denies any wrongdoing, they are only friends and justifies it by saying that he has had a lot of loss in his life and tells everyone that. It is a road worth taking! All I can say is that I am so grateful to be ending my marriage after only eight years, rather than waiting 20, 35, 40 years for crap like this to happen. Married almost 10 but have been separated over a year now. Why not chose the path of honesty and bravery to leave your marriages after your put up a good fight, but still finding that you are unhappy in the marriage BEFORE opening yourself up to affairs? 15 happy years. Something he tried to tell me we did, which was not true. Problem was because they were married, my mom gave up many opportunities to do some great things because my father had zero interest in the things she was interested in doing. My husband of 40 years up and left me for his first girlfriend who he hadnt seen for 50 years. But I have determined that I only need $300,000 to pay off our current debts (mortgage) and would have enough to buy land, a tiny home, furnishings and a vehicle. At this point I wouldnt be of any worth to a woman sexually would be nice to have a companion but not likely! As far as Ready to go situation, Im in the minority here but I would encourage him to go for it. He knows they could find a way, if there was the desire. I have rambled a lot here and I mean a lot and its disjointed as my own feelings and emotions are a bit raw here but I want to say a massive thank you, so refreshing to see peoples views without judging. But you know, I have never been devastated by actions of another person. Blond, thin, attractive. After all the years that she dedicated to you, youre leaving her. Mariana, how were you able to forgive your husband and let go of your anger? Why I regret leaving the perfect woman | Novni If its boring bad luck, marriage is boring and conservative thats how it should be. There IS a better way to end a marriage. Nothing compares to raising children and struggling when your incomes are starting out. What Im wondering is this, these men seem awfully old and theres are a lot of comments about older men leaving long term marriages and this is very sad. Have grace. Do not leave because of this other girl. you dont deserve to suffer and its not ok to hurt people around you because you suffer. I thought it was my daughters crying and not speaking to me that hurt me. If I could speak to your wife, I would say, Kick him out and move on. My husband became even more verbally, emotionally & physically abusive once he met his married employee Hannah. Sara, Lately she has been leaving all day driving my step son to go work with some family friend while her and her mother (doesnt like me) go out all day and I clean the house and take care of the animals and yard. a married couple or partnership should communicate to each other if its no longer working out then prepare to live on your own or with custody of kids. I was jealous. I say that the type of person you are, is the type that most times end up getting what they deserve. Women are emotional beings, men must be there to comfort end fulfill their emotional needs. ms, I just read this. Most of them ended up getting divorced from these women after they obtained their green card status. Not of her looks or charm, but the way she unknowingly tapped into a part of my husband that made him come alive in a way that I could not. Stay feeling sexy and in love. It will hurt but so did childbirth I got a miracle from it though! Your mum needs to focus on herself. Wife had affair with her boss | Talk About Marriage I read texts that they wrote to each other while we were still married saying Ill always love you. Ill never regret this. It feels like soul-mates. Well we are officially divorced and they are no longer together. The damage is done. None of that is lost just because your spouse no longer values it. middle aged woman who are hung up on a younger woman, men who are so confused and dont know what to do. Guess he wanted out too but he hadnt the balls. Go figure. I understand and respect some peoples judgements but some I frankly do not share. I am riddled with guilt over the idea of leaving my wife. 1) You have more in common with you wife you both in same age group 2) Oh you like this woman(20-years younger) coz she hotter/more fun more full of life and all that shallow nonsense. -After this, ask her what is important to HER. Im the Other Woman, the Mistress. Then, you become more aware of its quirks and maintenance costs. Make sure of that first, because it sure would suck if you go through a divorce and all the mess that it brings and then come to find out your lady friend wasnt even thinking of you in that way. She was also my first sexual experience. You are not a coward if you leave. We have two daughters together. So, why hurt her. They restarted my heart stuck tubes in me for breathing and that was the beginning. I know, because it happened to me. I felt powerless & prayed that they would stay within the boundaries of friendship. I wish everyone a very happy, long life. Sad at home, happy with her, upset the kids, I have no idea. Anna, When she has brought these things up to me, I have often tried to offer an explanation on what I thought they meant by it. My husband of 38 years left because he says he doesnt love me any more, hes numb. She got divorced because her husband cheated, so she refuses to have sex with me. It all has to do with time and finding what makes you happy. Im sure self-preservation is part of the reason. Her pride has always been her dearest possession, I moved out a week later, to Ana. So, initially, when you like being with somebody and they are attractive to you, and you are enjoying their attention, RUN. She proposed to me. And while I know that I will probably never be with the man that I fell deeply in love with in spite of keeping boundaries I am grateful to have had that awakening. My wife will do anything and everything to make sure I am absolutely taken care of. I cant count the number of times I wanted to apologize to stores or service people for the way she treated them. Be bitter and use Fear, Obligation and Guilt (FOG) to hold them hostage? It is completely pathetic and also makes me terrified that my husband will do the same thing to me when he turns 60. She is never in a good mood and complains constantly! What then? Until then, you arent free to enter into any relationship with another woman. Wish you the best in your decision. Affairs destroy you, your self esteem, all trust, everything you know and loved is now shattered. What is stopping YOU from re-assessing YOUR life and asking yourself if YOU are also unhappy after 30 years? But it is also perfectly OK to move on if they are unhappy and find themselves on a anonymous therapy site secretly asking for advise on whether to follow your heart or not. I knew she was hurting and I could see her missing me but she never once lost her dignity. It was around Christmas when it hit me how much I really lost. Many of you have been left for someone else, often after a long and good relationship. Respectfully You should never have allowed the love for another to develop.

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